A Father in Society: Deadbeat or Dedicated?

As father’s day approaches we get a chance to step back and look at the mysterious figure that many are sadly not very fortunate enough to have with them. Be it through tragedy or plain down human stupidity, the reasons could be endless as to why so many are without them, but the simple fact remains that regardless of whether it was through the natural way or the new-fangled test tube way, everybody everywhere has had the existence of someone they call father in their lives.

But what is a ‘father’?

In a study I recently came across I read how some low-income fathers who more often than not get labelled as the ‘deadbeat dads’ of society, actually spend as much on their children as parents in formal child-support arrangements. The only difference is, instead of cold hard cash given out at a set time these supposed ‘deadbeats’ choose to give goods like food and clothing and maybe the odd gift every now and then. I find this interesting if I had to consider everything from the perspective of a child.

When you’re young, money means next to nothing aside from being that one thing that can get you the cool stuff from the toy store or get you into the arcade. So I imagine it being pretty impersonal as a replacement for a father figure who could do so much by simply being there.

An old article I found highlighted the importance of having a father figure in a child’s life as it reduced delinquency amongst other things. In fact it went so far as to say that the father figure was most likely the most influential parental figure in the child’s life and I have to agree to a certain extent. Where one takes into account the need for a mother’s love and compassion, you cannot ignore the benefits of a father’s authority and command for respect as it shapes the child into whatever human it should grow into.

But in order to exert such influence doesn't it make sense that such a figure first needs to be present beyond the mere support of any financial means? After all respect isn't bought, it's earned through the many soccer games attended and school concerts watched and recorded. The lessons instilled through the formative years that one expects the basic human to have as a common courtesy alone are already the things 'someone' must have taught and re-taught a small child once upon a time. Of course the mother’s role is by no means diminished or marginalized in the grand scheme of things, instead one must understand the gravity of importance the father’s role incorporates as it stands supporting the mother's role and vice versa.

A father who gives money as a means for support or one who gives actual support, I wonder which is more acceptable?

In a society where demands for labour have become harsher and business tougher, it comes as no surprise that the traditional breadwinners of the household have been put under a certain amount of pressure. This pressure has in turn made it more difficult for our fathers to be fathers. It makes it questionable whether society cares for how it wants our little ones to turn out if it takes such an important part of their development and distances it.

Still, can the society be completely blamed for the individual’s flaws? Who knows, I suppose that’s up to the individual to decide or at the very least the children of said individual. Whatever the case may be one thing is clear: a father, regardless of his obligation to society, is someone whom is perceived by children by what they receive from them and as both the study and article show, it would seem that far more is received by the presence of that strong authoritative figure than just a few measly numbers in a bank account.